her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
