Your tits are I can't wait for
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
