Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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