dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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