Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
