They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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