it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
