So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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