Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
