I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
