Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
