If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
