Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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