First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
