I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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