I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
