I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
