im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
