Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My pussy is not your playground.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
