that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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