remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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