question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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