i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
