My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
