Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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