I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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