the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize