you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
