we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Come share oat with me in your robe
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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