Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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