i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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