I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
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You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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