I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
