i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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