I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
