i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
