He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
