We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
