No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it's great music for shaving your balls
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
