I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
