I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
