I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
