Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
