you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
