I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
