im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You need Xanax blowdarts
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His nipple licking is glorious
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