I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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