apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
