after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
