Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
