Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
