There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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