well you can't waste a boner
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You dont lie about slip and slides
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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