The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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