Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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