She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either way he was missing a nipple.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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