OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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