He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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