She is in my trunk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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