Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize