I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
