I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
