Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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