why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
