I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
