Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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