I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
