He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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