Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
