i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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