when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
No stitches, just platelets and will power
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
