can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
