I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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