so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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