if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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