i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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