saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize