the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
